Pressed Between Pages
by Nilmiel
Summary: Were he allowed to love, it would be different. -A series of drabbles focusing on Lavi and Lenalee-
1. Endeavor

_Disclaimer: They does not belong to me._

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Endeavor

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"Allen-kun…"

Something felt like it cracked. He froze halfway into a step, stopping to glance down at the girl cradled in his arms.

"Lenalee…" He muttered. Her face was buried against his chest, and her breathing was shallow. The both of them were covered in cuts and bruises from the recent akuma onslaught. There had been Noah as well, but they had vanished at their master's beckoning. Now all that remained were a few level three akuma, all of them bent on destroying the pair of exorcists before them.

Finding the energy, he pressed himself on, clutching Lenalee more tightly against him. She'd been injured in her fight against the Noah called Tyki- the one he hadn't been able to stop. He mentally cursed himself. She'd been battling valiantly. Her movements had been perfect, graceful, and lightning quick. She'd woven through the air like some sort of terrible butterfly, bearing attack and attack from the intangible Noah.

He had had his own battles to take care of, but fear had been eating away at him the entirety of the time. He was scared that this time he wouldn't be able to protect her. That this time he wouldn't be able to shield her from her attackers and get her away safely.

Lenalee had collapsed when the Noah had left the battle, and he had been there to scoop her into his arms again and shield her from attacks. He hadn't failed yet.

But now the two of them were running, and the akuma were gaining, and Lenalee was barely clinging to a shred of consciousness. He was getting tired, and he didn't know how much longer he could keep going with her in his arms. He couldn't fight while he had to protect her. His only hope was that the others would get there in time.

His breathing was becoming heavier as he ran. One particularly persistent akuma took this opportunity to launch a round of sharp looking metal projectiles at the pair of them. Most missed completely, seeing as akuma rarely have excellent aim, but a few caught him in the back and he stumbled. He could feel Lenalee gasp against him, and he pushed himself on, ignoring the pain between his shoulder blades.

She was crying again, he noticed. He could feel her body shudder slightly and felt the tears wetting his coat. "Allen-kun," she murmured again. He winced.

"It's Lavi, actually."


	2. Truth

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Truth

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Allen Walker was in love with the world.

Lavi saw that. It was evident since he had met the young exorcist. Allen wanted to live for the akuma, he wanted to live for the humans. He didn't want to fight the Noah. He didn't want to hurt anything human. The way he reacted when anyone was hurt was heart wrenching. His conviction was undeniable. His passion for the souls around him was breathtaking. He was a comforter and a protector.

And Lavi was jealous.

A Bookman has no need of a heart. Especially one that large. But there were still times he wished he could be like Allen. Times he wished he could put his heart into protecting those exorcists who fought beside him _(and even more for her)._ Times he wished he had comforted Lenalee in her grief rather than scolded and reprimanded her _(he wishes there had been an easier truth to speak)._ Times he wished he could care for them _(to live for her)._ To love them _(to love her)._

But Bookmen shouldn't fall in love with the ink _(but he ached to hold her)._ It will smudge and smear _(but imperfections are beautiful)_ and is too easily distorted and broken. _(but that was when she needed him most)_ Love should be left to people like Allen Walker.

Now all that remained for Lavi was to reconvince his forty-ninth self of this truth.

It seemed to be a loosing battle.


	3. Impaled

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Impaled

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_"You are a failure as a bookman, Lavi. Don't worry. Even if you die, Bookman won't become extinct. Because I am the real you. I will succeed the role of the Bookman. And you will vanish, Lavi."_

but its mine and i'll be back

suffer now

i'll be back he won't win because

your knife is in my chest

i'm falling and i'm falling and i'm under water and I can't breathe and it hurts and i can't see anymore and all i know is that it was you but why did you and i think it's not real

_"Lavi! Lavi, stop, I'm begging you! Open your eyes!"_

but im not lavi i dont know what is going on anymore because im just supposed to watch you but your knife is in my chest and my head is spinningspinningspinning and i keep on going around in circles and all i am is seven squared and i dont know because seven is supposed to be lucky but thats not who i am i'm unlucky i keep changing and theres somebody who's calling and i don't know its not my voice and its hurting and there's fire now and i think its supposed to be me but you're there now and you're crying please dont cry i didn't want that to happen and please dont cry because im not worth crying over and your knife is in my chest and it hurts

and why

is seven unlucky i don't want to cry and i don't know if maybe i should never have met you and then he wouldn't have hurt you

_"Lavi, stop it! Stop your flames!"_

and he wont listen to you because he is more than seven squared he is everything and he is bookman and he is who i am and he doesn't listen to you and you listened to him and

and your knife is in my chest

_"Lavi! I'm begging you Lavi!"_

but it's Mine

and

_"If I didn't do this, I wouldn't have been able to retain my consciousness."_

and I am Lavi and it is My fire

and My fire and My knife

And my heart

is not

dead.


End file.
